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SmileJokes of the Day For November 08, 2010

A doctor in Duluth wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. "Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients."

"Yes, sir!" answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Ole, how was your day?"

Ole told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL."

"Bravo, Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir," says Ole.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts, "HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in over two years !! "

"Ole, Vat did you do?" asks the doctor.

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"I put drops in her eyes!!"

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U thought I was sending a dirty joke!!!!

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SmileJokes of the Day For November 09, 2010

It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people from the department had been called. The VP was looking much tensed.

 

The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting.

 

People around smiled at each other. Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP.

 

The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man.

 

To this the sweet manager replied "Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything." Everyone looked at him blank.

 

The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought "What an Awesome Reply man!

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SmileJokes of the Day For November 10, 2010

A young man watched an elderly couple sit down to lunch at a restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered one meal and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old man carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted 
out the fries - one for him, one for her, until each had an even number. 
Then the old man poured half the soft drink into the extra cup and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat and his wife sat watching with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man hesitated, then approached the couple and asked if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they wouldn't have to split theirs.

The old man said, "Oh no. We've been married for 50 years, and everything has always been, and always will be shared 50-50."

The young man asked the old woman if she was going to eat. "Later," she replied. "It's his turn with the teeth."

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SmileJokes of the Day For November 11, 2010

T he upstate NY man was rich in almost every way. His estate was worth millions. He owned houses, land antiques and cattle. But though on the outside he had it all, he was very unhappy on the inside. His wife was growing old, and the couple was childless. He had always wanted a little boy to carry on the family legacy.

Miraculously, his wife became pregnant in her later years, and she gave birth to a little boy. The boy was severely handicapped, but the man loved him with his whole heart. When the boy was five, his mom died. The dad drew closer to his special son. At age 13, the boy's birth defects cost him his life and the father died soon after from a broken heart.

The estate was auctioned before hundreds of bidders. The first item offered was a painting of the boy. No one bid. They waited like vultures for the riches.

Finally, the poor housemaid, who helped raise the boy and loved him, offered $5 for the painting and easily took the bid. To everyone's shock, the auctioneer ripped a hand written will from the back of the picture.

This is what it said To the person who thinks enough of my son to buy this painting, to this person I give my entire estate.

The auction was over. The greedy crowd walked away in shock and dismay.

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SmileJokes of the Day For November 12, 2010

 One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America
 A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing?" 
 Singh answered, "No, I am Banta Singh". 
  
 Another guy came and asked the him the same question. 
 Singh answered, "No No Me Banta Singh!" 
Third one came and asked him the same question again. Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. 
While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. 
    
He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" 
   
 The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered,"Yes,I am relaxing." 
 The Singh slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid, idiot. 
 Everyone is looking for you and your are sitting over here!" 
    
                       
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SmileJokes of the Day For November 13, 2010

 A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in  education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul, 
he must answer two questions: 
1.Name two days of the week that begin 
with "T". 
2.How many seconds are in a year? 
   The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered... 
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and  Tomorrow. 
2. There are 12 seconds in a year. 
 Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even  though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12  seconds in a year?" 
The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,etc..." 
 Saint Peter lets him in without another word. 

                        
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SmileJokes of the Day For November 14, 2010

Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room. 
    Jasmeet : "What are you searching for?" 
    Santa : "Hidden cameras!" 
    Jasmeet : "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" 
                       Santa : "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World 
Channel'. How does he know that?" 

  
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SmileJokes of the Day For November 15, 2010

Having lost his donkey a Singh, got down to his knees and started thanking God. 
  A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" 
 The Singh replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too." 

                                
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SmileJokes of the Day For November 16, 2010

 Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination. 
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes 
off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt,pant,socks and watch follow suit. 

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. 
"Oye, I am only following the instructions here"! It says here "Answer the following questions in brief". 
                       
                       
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SmileJokes of the Day For November 17, 2010

Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic.One of them was crying like hell. So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one said,"I came here for blood test" Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid " 
First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the other, "Why are you crying?" 
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test." 
  
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SmileJokes of the Day For November 18, 2010

 A Singh goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Mr. Singh, what are you doing?" To this the man replies, 

    "Oye, see the board here ---" Wash Basin ".

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